party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
