What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Im part way to drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
