pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
