He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
they need to just BURY HIM!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
His nipple licking is glorious
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