I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
