can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize