I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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