I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
