He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So vagazzling was a success
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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