I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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