I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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