She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
