did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
