im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
