M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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