It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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