if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
