I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
