Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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