The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
