My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
