Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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