so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize