Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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