You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
