he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
