Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
