Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
