I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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