My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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