Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
