shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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