Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
