i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize