Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
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