So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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