ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
