tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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