Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize