so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
