is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
