Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
