Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
