if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
