I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
