Your tits are I can't wait for
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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