ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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