Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
