I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
