Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
