they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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