apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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