I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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