Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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