that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pants are for mortals
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
