I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im holly from the hills drunk
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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