goodnight i made you a song goodbye
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
