His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
