Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
