She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
