the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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