got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
