He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
