that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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