Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
