Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
