Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
