so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
