Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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