god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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