She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
