A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
