you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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