Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i dont even know how to be here
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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