Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
