dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize