I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
