I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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