She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
