Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you made out with another girl for some wings
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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