I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
