When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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