I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
