I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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