I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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