you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
