is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
