Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
