The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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