Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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