i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
