i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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