My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
