Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
