end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
