so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
