...so i touched it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
