I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
