This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When are your genitals available?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
