And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
